As a new bride, great expectations, endless love, amazing promise and hope for an incredible future is your vision! So, what is to be said about women who have been married for several years who now believe that their expectations have been violated, the endless love comes and goes, the amazing promise is looking dim and hope for an incredible future has turned into crossing your fingers hoping that you two just get along…TODAY!
WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?
Over the past few years, I have heard many wives complain about their expectations of marriage being violated! That they often catch themselves thinking, "how the heck did I get here?" It's no secret ladies, it's okay to come clean. Didn't you think that the amazing effort, consideration and emotional connection that your husband, showed you ‘pre-marriage’ was amazing beyond words? And didn't you believe that when he asked you to marry him that all of the love, attention and affection you were getting then, would just seamlessly transfer into marriage and multiply times TEN once you said, "I do?"
I know I did! Over the years, the great conversations slowed way down, the romantic evening rendezvous became not-so-romantic and the flowers "just because" became non-existent. What happened? Where's did the effort and intention go? When did your husband stop asking you about your day and all of the "girlfriend-like" questions fell by the waist side?
When did ‘thriving’ in life sneak out the door and ‘surviving’ took up residence?
Well, what has seemed to be a common theme among the wives I have talked to as of late…has been their age. They are either close to turning 40 or over 40 and their tolerance for excuses have quickly exited STAGE LEFT!
So, how can a lack luster wife get her groove back without putting her husband up for sale? Well, being married 16 years, I too, have gone through many marriage lulls and have found a few best practices that have helped me keep my eyes on the promise and NOT be tempted to run out to the store for milk with suitcase in hand.
1. HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS
I know…CRAZY CONCEPT, right? I will be the first to admit that I have high expectations of everything and it’s a total set up to fail! If you are really trying to hold on to your “fairytale” idea of what marriage should look like, let it go sister! You need to hold onto the blueprint created by the person who created marriage…GOD! When things start to go sideways in a storm, understanding the purpose of your marriage will keep you grounded!
2. LOVE IS PATIENT
Honey!? If you can get this one down, half the battle is already won! This was and has never been my strong suit. So needless to say, I am very much still learning this virtue! LOL All I can say is, “Keep practicing!” haha
3. FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT HIM
You said, “I do!” for a reason. Spend time on a regular basis, celebrating the things you love most about your husband! Write them down and post them on the bathroom mirror during times when he is getting on your last nerve! LOL
4. SUPPORT HIM IN HIS LANGUAGE
Wives may think they are being supportive to their husbands, when in fact they may really be stressing him out! Try asking your husband what you can do to support him and what that looks like TO HIM…I bet you will be very surprised at his answer.
5. KEEP THINGS FRISKY
Marriages quickly start unraveling at the seems if you are not keeping things frisky with your spouse! Physical intimacy is a necessity in marriage designed to keep you close, covered and compatible. IT IS NOT OPTIONAL!!!
Any married person would agree that marriage can be tough, but at the end of the day, the disagreement or the misunderstanding…our husbands are priceless!
Christy Little Jones, MS is the creator of the Wife Wisdom Podcast posting new episodes every Monday; focusing on REAL conversations that help cultivate the heart of a wife — by preparing to be a wife, thriving as a wife and staying encouraged as a wife!