For over 13 years, I have worked with women, engaged couples and married couples in crisis and I have learned a thing or two from working with both men and women.  


Men and women think and act very differently, consequently God has created them to live, thrive and act as ONE in marriage.  Don't get me wrong, there are many days when I feel like God is laughing at me striving to become ONE with my husband, who is completely opposite of me, but on the days things can't be anymore aligned, I hold on to them for as long as I can.

After working for years with married women, I have heard similar frustrations, disappointments and violations of her expectation from married women of all ages, nationalities, races, and cultures. 

There is an attack on marriages from the enemy to cause division, distance, and distractions, so I thought I would help my brothers out by making it as easy and plain as I can, when it comes to connecting physically, emotionally and spiritually with your wife! I have gathered the top 15 need-to-know secrets every husband must know about his wife to get her in the mood for love! So, here we go...

1. It's okay to say, "I'm sorry!" She won't think you're "soft." In fact, your apology may be the best method to help her change her attitude!  

Secret #1: Fighting to be right will only send her in the wrong direction.

2. Be nice to her throughout the day, NOT just before you want some! Come on, guys! Really? Don't you know that being loving, kind and attentive to your wife throughout the day is the best practice to having a wonderful evening? Okay, I have heard one too many guys say, "that's too much work!" why did you get married again? You couldn't possibly think that the work you put in to "get us", wouldn't be necessary to keep us, did you?

Secret #2: Your wife wants to be pursued again! Put in the work, she's worth it!

3. When your wife asks you to do something around the house, please don't wait weeks to get it done! Make it a priority to you because it's a priority to her!

Secret #3: Your procrastination really does get on her nerves!

4. Don't go to bed without kissing her goodnight! This goes for both spouses! 

Secret #4: This may seem like a small gesture, but it's an awesome display of affection towards her, especially coming out of conflict. Your gesture quietly lets her know that you love her and you are committed to her, no matter what!

5. Make her feel like WHO she is is important to you! Ask her how her day was...and really listen! Don't just ask to check off the box!

Secret #5: Getting to know your wife's heart is very important to her. Women are very relational and feel closest to those who "SEE" her for who she really is.  You are the closest person to her, spend time learning, recognizing and acknowledging your wife's strengths and God-given gifts and talents.

6. Engage with her emotionally! Put the phone down, turn off the tv or computer and give her your undivided attention!

Secret #6: Don't be surprised if your wife loses her train of thought when you give her your undivided attention. Many wives are used to having to compete with other things that are important to their husbands! So, when you acknowledge she's a priority, she may just look at you with nothing to say, because she had to stop to take it all in! LOL 

7. Learn her LOVE LANGUAGE and practice it DAILY!

Secret #7: Everyone gives and receives love differently, so if you are loving your wife the way YOU want to be loved and NOT the way she wants to be loved, we've got a problem, right? Well, thanks to Gary Chapman, you both can take a simple and easy quiz to find out your love language! TAKE TEST NOW!

8. When you see your wife running around the house cooking, cleaning, checking homework and washing clothes, don't just sit there thinking about how grateful you are to have a great wife and mother to your children...OFFER TO HELP HER!!!!

Secret #8: Please, DON'T wait for an invitation!!! This behavior is guaranteed to send your wife far, far away from "being in the mood for love" because she's too tired from doing everything! 

9. Tell her she's beautiful often and mean it!

Secret #9: Hearing you are beautiful NEVER GETS OLD! Especially from your husband, just make sure it's genuine.

10. Treat her like you did when you were heavily pursuing her before she was your wife!

Secret #10: Don't ever take your wife for granted, she is valuable and precious. When you make her feel like you value and adore her, watch how much changes in your marriage!

11. Plan a weekend getaway within the next 90 days, even if it's a staycation!

Secret #11: Reconnecting with your spouse is essential to your marriage. It's not healthy for your marriage to keep grinding and just surviving, without taking a break and refocusing on what's really important...each other and your family!

12. Get back to having fun! 

Secret #12: Life happens! Don't allow situations and circumstances to pull you off balance from thriving in your marriage and in life! Get out and have some fun immediately!

13: Take her on your journey!

Secret #13: Your wife wants to be included in the details of your life, share with her what you're thinking, feeling and dreaming. This sparks instant emotional connection and will most likely get her in the mood for love. Easy-peasy!

14. Love her like God is watching you every minute!

Secret #14: Talk about accountability!?!?! Wow! You will have a NEW wife and a NEW marriage if you adopt this practice as a lifestyle! PROMISE!

15. Celebrate your wife in front of your kids!

Secret #15: When you celebrate, love and cherish your wife in front of your children, your sons will know how to treat their wives and your daughters will know how to be treated! The power of influence at its finest! 


This list is just to get you started! I found that many of these things apply to the majority of marriages. To hone in on the secrets that have a personal application for your marriage, start with this activity:

  • Take this list and go through it together, pin pointing which secrets apply, create a common definition between you and put together an action plan to put these best practices to work.

Share with your married friends! It takes a stay happily married!

What changes can you make in your marriage this week to get things back on track? Please place a comment below, I would love to hear your thoughts!