Dear God...

I am completely overwhelmed today! I am jittery and anxious and at any moment, I feel like I am going to break out in a full blown . . . BAWL! A part of me is hoping that this is just hormonal and will go away in a few days, but the sacred side of me knows its real, because my brave self, the one that tells myself the truth, knows that I'm burned out! I'm spent! I'm wiped out. I'm done and can't keep up anymore. I feel like I've already failed and it's not even 8am, UGH!

I immediately think to myself, "CHRISTY! CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW! CHANGE THAT ATTITUDE AND THAT MIND SET, YOUNG LADY! HUT! HUT! HUT!"

As and over achiever, you know this is my normal practice, motivating myself, picking myself back up to put the pieces back together, but at what point do I look at my life and say, "the pieces are broken! ...this one is damaged! ...I need to let this one go! ...I can't put this one back with the others because it will damage all of the other "good" pieces?" . . . God?

Hmmm...I think this is that moment when peering into my soul and assesses the hard ware or should I say "soul ware" is necessary, right? A "soul-ware" assessment self-check? Okay, God, here I go.

MIND: 

  • negative sometimes
  • entertains FEAR too often
  • cluttered
  • always racing
  • always creating
  • needs a vacation

BODY:

  • tired
  • tired
  • tired
  • needs an upgrade

SOUL:

  • defeated
  • disappointed
  • depleted
  • discouraged
  • frustrated

Wow, God! That is not a good report! I must admit, seeing this assessment makes me sad, because I know this is not how you want me to live. For the longest time, I have felt like I have been pushing a boulder up a steep hill and I am out of energy and out of effort!

I NO LONGER want to waste time on things that are not on YOUR agenda for my life! I am at the end of myself and I have nothing left.

God, . . . please forgive me for snatching my life out of your hands. I surrender it back to you TODAY and I give you back full access to my life. Do with it what you will! 

Forgive me for not trusting you. Please help me to let go of those things that I have been forcing and prioritize those things that align with what you have created me for. Thank you for always giving me second chances! I love you!

Christy